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Funny Instagram captions

  • When life throws you a burger ๐Ÿ”, eat it!!
  • I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
  • Humor is just another defense against the universe.
  • They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so are thunder and lighting.
  • If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.
  • We live in the era of Smart Phones and Stupid people.
  • I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. :)
  • I honestly don’t even understand my own feelings sometimes.
  • I am not lazy, I am in energy saving mode.
  • I hope when I get married we're the fun couple that hosts all the parties and that our house is the kick it spots for our kid's friends.
  • Lost in the world๐ŸŒ that doesn’t exist.
  • Some people need a HIGH-FIVE ✋, in the face with a chair.
  • Today I will be as useless ๐Ÿ˜‚as letter g in lasagna.
  • I am a performing artist and an essayist and I co-made my breakfast and my child, Malachai.
  • Real men don't take selfies.๐Ÿ“ธ
  • Friday, my second favorite F word
  • I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
  • My goal this weekend is to move. . . Just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
  • If life gives you lemons, ๐Ÿ‹just add vodka.๐Ÿบ
  • When I'm a Pedestrian I Hate cars... When I'm Driving I Hate Pedestrians.
  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
  • Embed self-important stuff about myself here.
  • I believe its unusual if a young๐Ÿ‘ฉ lady doesn't have an Instagram nowadays.
  • Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.
  • Snakes don’t just hiss ๐Ÿ anymore, nowadays they call you baby and best friend.๐Ÿ’
  • Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
  • Are you google? Cause you are all I'm searching for.
  • My mobile camera isn’t working well. Or I might look like an angel.
  • When Life Throws You A Curveball... Grab A Bat And Swing. ⚾
  • Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity!
  • Life is Short - Chat Fast!
  • My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
  • I'm here to evade companions on Facebook๐Ÿ™‚
  • I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

  • The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight :)
  • I'm multitasking. I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
  • Weekend, please don't leave me.๐Ÿ˜Š
  • Onions make me sad๐Ÿ˜ฅ. A lot of people don't realize that.☺
  • Marriage is a workshop... where husband works & wife shops...
  • I didn't choose the thug life, ๐Ÿ˜‚the thug life chose me
  • Laughing ๐Ÿ˜‚at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.
  • At night, I can’t sleep. In the morning, I can’t wake up.
  • I speak two languages, Body and English.
  • C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping :)
  • Are you google? Cause you are all I'm searching for.
  • Give me the chocolate ๐Ÿซ๐Ÿซand nobody gets hurt.
  • Hide the face & f**k the base.
  • I love his life, whose a girl.

  • The moment when she says you’re cute.
  • If we could only turn back time…
  • I got back with my Ex…Box 360
  • Lost in the world that doesn’t exist.
  • Today I will be as useless as letter g in lasagna.
  • Do you sit in a pile of sugar? cause you got a pretty sweet ass!
  • They say tongue is the strongest muscle of the body. Wanna fight?
  • Did you swallow magnets? cause you are attractive!
  • Kiss me if I’m wrong but Dinosaurs still exist? Right?
  • Nice t-shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
  • Do you have a name or can I call you Mine?
  • Do you like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometimes!
  • Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.
  • Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
  • Do you live in a cornfield, coz I’m stalking you.
  • Never do the same mistake twice, unless he’s hot!
  • Enjoy at least one sunset per day! – Modern Family
  • They say don’t try this at home…so I went to my friends home!
  • My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.
  • Friday, my second favourite F word.
  • Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.
  • If there would be an award for being lazy, I would send someone to pick it up for me.
  • They say: Do what you love and the money will come to you. Just ordered pizza, now I am waiting…
  • Start somewhere.
  • If you were looking for a sign, here it is.
  • Better an ooops, than a what if.
  • Life is too short for bad vibes.
  • The world is changed by your example, not your opinion.
  • We travel, some of us forever, to seek other places, other lives, other souls.
  • Remember that happiness is a way of travel – not a destination.
  • Be happy, it drives people crazy.
  • No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.
  • Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands – just like best friends!
  • Another fine day ruined by responsibilities…
  • I put the “Pro” in procrastinate.
  • Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.
  • You never know what you have until you have cleaned your house.
  • njoy at least one sunset per day! – Modern Family
  • They say don’t try this at home…so I went to my friends home!
  • My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.
  • Friday, my second favourite F word.
  • Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.
  • If there would be an award for being lazy, I would send someone to pick it up for me.
  • This seat is taken
  • I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it
  • I had fun once, it was horrible
  • survived another “end of the world” scenario
  • Girls be like…
  • stop stop, I’m gunna pee
  • Hey good lookin, can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
  • Puts selfie on top of tree because I’m the star.
  • Is I in trouble?
  • I don’t have Ex’s, I have Y’s. Like “Why Did I ever date you?”
  • It never rains during the weekend
  • There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
  • Oh, hi there!
  • Oh you’re a model? What’s your agency, Instagram?
  • I will eat just one, I swear
  • I liked memes before they were on Instagram
  • if a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a gingerbread man?
  • If we could only turn back time…
  • Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about
  • 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  • I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it
  • I had fun once, it was horrible
  • survived another “end of the world” scenario
  • Girls be like…
  • stop stop, I’m gunna pee
  • Hey good lookin, can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
  • Puts selfie on top of tree because I’m the star.
  • Is I in trouble?
  • I don’t have Ex’s, I have Y’s. Like “Why Did I ever date you?”
  • Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.
  • Be happy in front of people who don’t like you “it kills them”.
  • I'm not happy its "Friday" I'm happy its "Today". Love your life 7 days a week.๐Ÿ˜Š☺
  • I think you are lacking Vitamin me!๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘ฆ
  • The more one suffers, the more, I believe, has one a sense for the comic.
  • In bed, it's 6 AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school it's 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:31.
  • You were my cup of tea.. But sorry darling now I drink coffee,๐Ÿ˜
  • Yesterday, I changed my WiFi ๐Ÿ“ถpassword to "Hackitifyoucan"; today, someone changed it to๐Ÿ˜‚
  • I would pose this, without posting on Instagram.
  • You can't make up your mind ๐Ÿ’€ Please don't waste my time. ๐Ÿ˜’
  • I liked memes before they were on Instagram.
  • Despite everything I don't comprehend Twitter, however here I am.
  • There may be no excuse for laziness,๐Ÿšถ but I'm still looking.
  • When someone says you are changing. "yes, I've recently updated my version"
  • Each tempest comes up short on downpour.
  • What if I told you, you can eat๐Ÿ”๐ŸŸ without posting it on Instagram.๐Ÿ“ฑ
  • I will slap ✋ you so hard even google won't be able to find you...
  • I know you look at my caption.
  • Mess with me, I’ll let karma do its job. Mess with my family? I become karma.

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